Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Families, ageing parents,

Over the last number of years we have had the privilege of working with many wonderful people. Some of the issues we have covered have been to do with our ageing process and the worries that go along with the same for the families involved. Ultimately our main aim is bringing harmony and 50/50 understanding to all and making the sufferers life as contented as possible. 

Often there can be discord or family fall outs, or jealousies or the feeling that some members of the family do more than others. 

Often this is understood due to the mileage between them but what we sometimes forget is that the sufferer is silently missing these members greatly although just a small telephone conversation can fill this heart felt pain.

Often we have our own kids and end up running after them the majority of the time, when in fact just one weekend our of 5 or 6 we could have given up just to go and visit our own parents, remembering they are forever talking about us and indeed our children to who ever they come across on a daily basis, remembering that we are often their main interest now, and a daily topic of conversation for many, yet often weeks go by before a phone call or visit is made or your voice is heard. 

On that note, and having felt the pain of many wonderful older individuals, please can you make a bit more contact with your Parents or Grandparents, even if it is through a friends Skype programme or some other form of modern technology. Above all don't necessarily believe all that you hear from one of your parents as they may well be in denial about the true health of the other, or perhaps next time you are visiting you could 'accidentally' bump in to a friendly neighbour - they are sure to know what is going on, and might, if asked kindly, even give you regular updates.

On the other hand, if for some reason, only one of your parents seem to be answering the phone, please, make a point of visiting, perhaps there might be some form of  issue going on making the other feel unhappy or as if they are being controlled. 

Even if your parents have split and re-married you still have a right to see your own parent, even although some 'inlaws can make this awkward'. Every so often try and make a point of seeing your parent at least once every few months on their own, just to make sure they are okay. 

It is of course understood that some children just do not have contact with their parents at all - and for reasons they will only know, but for those who do still have contact perhaps this poem might help during troubled times. 

Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any problems that you are finding difficult to resolve  as there is always a key to unlock all problems and for the ease of ageing these keys are imperative for their health and general well-being. Thank you. 

Some nights I stand at the oceans edge, 
with memories of happy days,
skimming stones and fishing bays 
with parents, siblings and friends around
Good days, bad days, fall out days and happy days,
even days when we would stumble and fall
but who was their? our parents with bandages and all.
Always food in the cupboards and on the table,
Clothes on our shoulders, shoes on our feet,
jackets to wear on those cold wintery days.
Lifts to school, or money for a bus,
or for the sports we wanted to play,
O weren't our parents so good to us.

They dedicated their lives to us
working hard to support our needs,
But often we forget they had their own history,
the inevitable pains, the hurt, the fear and their lives
to live as well as being parents to us. 

When the seed of adulthood grows within us
we fly the nest to start our Mission,
Our new found independence often takes over,
parties, freedom and the big wide world
sometimes makes the distance between us so much greater.
Until a life experience makes us stumble or quiver
and once again our parents came to the rescue
to encourage us, love us, support us
perhaps to reprimand for one or all.
But to be sure they are/were always there for us
no matter the age, issue or fall
How lucky we are to have them there for us.

Time goes on, perhaps a decade or two,
With perhaps a job secured, a marriage and kids.
Our parents, by this time have regained a life,
and mostly support our choice in life including our strife.

There comes a time when troubled bridges mend
but this can take a few years or a decade or two.
Regrets can be huge but love always returns in the end.
But time doesn't stand still for no man or you.
Our, once tall parents, seem smaller, more aged and frail
and all of a sudden role reversal is in front of you.

Frustration, irritation, denial and more 
can soon take over, with independence
and freedom and love being starved by all.
But if only understanding, acceptance and patience 
was encouraged instead of frustration, 
irritation, denial and more.

Our ageing relations held a place in Society for many a year, 
and stood their ground for us when we were there
For some, ill health comes along bringing many a fall
leaving their memory scattered from here to there,
forgetting the plates go in the cupboards standing tall
or the pans go in the cupboard o, so small
causing,for sure, much frustration for one and all.

We must remember for those we hold so dear 
patience, love and 50/50 understanding is the key
for all to follow, not anger, denial, dread or fear. 
Always remember, yesterday was yesterday and we must let it go,
tomorrow is tomorrow and today is today,
so please, come what may, accept the happenings of this day.

Some children can not cope with the change 
and choose to stay away, 
but it doesn't necessarily mean their love has gone.
Some children are stronger, more able to cope,
perhaps thanks to their experiences of life to date.
For others they suffer from regrets and guilt
perhaps because their visits were all too late.
Many a sufferer understands, but it doesn't take away the pain, 
that missing pain of the child who has gone astray, 
the one who doesn't seem to visit again.
But guaranteed your voice will be heard again
restoring the spirit and releasing that pain.

For many, you know you do your best 
for others who feel guilt and regret, let it be
you have your reasons, don't be ashamed,
maybe write a poem or letter and lay it all to rest.
Hold on to the memories, though perhaps troubled, happy or sad
but remember always you tried your best and that you are loved 
as much as you were from the day you were born. 

Please, don't live in yesteryears, take each day as it comes, 
embrace each smile and tiny expression
and welcome tomorrow as a brand new day.
Share laughter and the things remembered
acknowledge, quietly, each tiny expression.
Above all please accept each stage of illness
try hard not to shout or get frustrated,
you're the lucky one who can remember,
you're the one who can bring sunshine to a broken mind or heart,
you're the one who can, gently, introduce others to share your role 
guiding them to all dislikes and likes they know,
But be sure to choose the right person though,
or ask for a change if there's no connection
All this will alleviate pressure, which can, truly, be felt by all,
giving each a comforting break balancing out the 
sorely tempted denial, anger, fear and frustration,
resulting in contentment for one and all for ever. 

Nature's Physician

Thursday, 12 March 2015

Help all victims post . . .

Another find today . . . there are many reasons why humans can be so cruel, and there is a certain amount we can all put up with, but there is a limit as to how much our systems, our families and friends can cope with . . . try helping someone today towards a healthier lifestyle.

We are all put on this planet for a reason but abuse is not one of them.

If you know of anyone, young, middle aged or old, who is showing signs of distress, physical abuse or indeed mental abuse, please gently and quietly help them find a healthier path to walk.

On behalf of many - thank you

Monday, 9 March 2015

Bullying and Intimidation of the Local kind . . .

Intimidation of the 'local kind'

A brief meaning of Intimidation which can sometimes sadly be persistent: offensive, abusive, insulting behaviour which can be in both physical and verbal form

We have already discussed Intimidation on a larger scale or relating to larger Companies threatening smaller Companies but what we forget sometimes is the intimidation that goes on within our daily lives. Sadly, both Children and Adults can be the instigators of this type of negative behaviour, and in many cases, until caught or indeed taught otherwise, these individuals seem to feel this kind of behaviour is acceptable. However, one of the saddest things about this type of behaviour is that Adults are often the individuals who instill in their children that this type of behaviour is considered acceptable.

Often this form of intimidation, for the moment let's classify them as :

  1. 'Individual intimidation' 

This can be initiated or triggered on line, or on a one to one basis within Schools, Playgrounds, Public Parks, The home, in the Workplace and even on a bus or train. 

 2. Group or 'Tribal Intimidation' 

This can often be triggered sometimes by just one person who then tries hard to encourage others on board or in Groups/Sets of Individuals and can be experienced in School, The Playground, Public Parks, High School, College, University, within the Workplace, At Public and Closed Events, Public transport, Leisure Centres as well as many other places where the Public gather or Groups Gather.

Let us dissect No 1, please, feel free to comment or add any of your experiences or thoughts to this post and just in case you do not wish to put your own name to the post you do have the option of signing it as anonymous, or perhaps you would prefer to send an email regarding your thoughts and we can add them accordingly.

The online Intimidator generally only feels brave to type, what can be, cruel words from behind a screen (Individual intimidation). Yet if you come across these particular individuals on a one to one basis or on a street they would not have the confidence to either face you, talk to you or indeed walk at the same side of the street as you, in fact they would more than probably cross to the other side of the road, unless of course they are in their known Group (Group intimidation) or within a Group that they have encouraged to act in a similar manner. However, often the victim of such behaviour chooses to cross the road before the abuser! If the Victim could try hard to have the confidence to stay at their chosen side of the street but perhaps just walk closer to another pedestrian at the time of passing the abuser, even although by this time the abuser will more than probably have walked across the other side by this time any way

Children, teenagers, 'vulnerable' and  individuals who lack in confidence or who have perhaps had a knock in confidence for what ever reason sadly seem to be the main victims suffering from cyber bullying, there are many sites on line that can help with this so do not be frightened to type your specific questions in to Chief Inspector Google, here is one link that could be useful.

But what are the signs of cyber bullying – Your child or a child you know may show signs of

  • Being withdrawn
  • A change of his/her known behavoiur 
  • Being anxious 
  • Wishing to stay at home more or being around you more 
  • Signs of depression, teary, angry, subdued 
  • Aggression 
  • Sleeping issues 
  • Change in eating habits – eating more or less 
  • Bed wetting 
  • Wanting to miss school 
  • Showing signs of Truancy 
  • Nightmares 
  • Takes more risks 
  • Self Harms (in more areas than one)
  • Obsessive behaviour 
An interesting link on the impact of bullying for not just the victim but the bully themselves as well as bystanders and the families of both the victim and the bully can be found at this link within this link there are also additional links that can guide/advise parents towards the next step in solving issues such as these. 

When it comes to children or students it is imperative to try and resolve these issues earlier rather than later on in life, so, if you know of any child who is showing any of the above signs please advise their next of kin or someone within their family who you can trust to resolve this painstaking and extremely upsetting experience for any youngster to experience. After all, if an individual can learn to cope with issues at an earlier age then their confidence to cope with issues in their future life as an adult will be easier and much more encouraging for others.

So let's go to the next stage up from the playground, let's say one child falls out with another, the normal way to resolve this would be to find out what happened from both sides and a conclusion and apology is made to either party, or both, and suggestions made if such an event was to happen again. However, some parents feel their children do no wrong and only their story is correct. In this instance often there are signs of hostility, bad mouthing, intimidating comments made, but worse still these are often said in front of the child, which, at the end of the day, also plants the seed that they (the child) in the future, can behave like this, then all of a sudden, let's say the possessive parent has 4 children playing, then all of a sudden you have the potential of 4 more youngters growing in to being intimidating individuals or becoming participants of for example Hostile Aggressive Parenting - and all because one of their parents showed them that this type of behaviour is seen as acceptable in front of others! 

Another common reason, is snobbery sadly, some parents feel they are better than others, which is often, not the case. This is an issue that rises its' ugly head quite frequently, but which in many cases should be resolved or a half way house met and each individuals circumstance taken in to consideration. The other children and Adults who can go through a difficult time are those from one parent families, once again this is not the child, children's or the Adults fault and their situation should be given understanding and perhaps a little extra thought regarding what it must feel like for them all. 

Above all we need to remember we are all human, we all have a heart, we all have a history, sometimes sad, sometimes difficult, Some have too much, some have too little. More often than not it's those who have little who have the biggest heart and those who have too much who consider themselves on a different planet and who make things awkward for others or make others perhaps worse off than themselves, feel uncomfortable. We are all brought in to the world in the same way just as we go out the same way and in real terms we are alive for such a short period of time, wouldn't it just be wonderful if all could accept each other on an equal level without the 'intentional divisions created by greed'

Back on to intimidation - Perhaps you know someone who is being intimidated at work – if so here are another couple of handy links This link has a number of positive actions to take whether the bullying is going on in the workplace or elsewhere, worthwhile taking a look.

But the most important thing to know is how to handle such situations as they present themselves. Of course each and every situation is going to be slightly different but at the core there is the same feelings, although different, experienced by both the victim and the abuser, so what can you, as a child or even as an adult do to prevent this or indeed protect yourself and others from what can become repeated experiences from such individuals.

If you bite to an abusers bait then they will probably give you more hassle, but on the other hand, human behaviour can be similar to that of fishing, if you put some bait down for a fish, the fish will bite just as a human will. Granted no one knows what triggers an abuser, and it may well be something that you did not do, but there will be something rest assured, so, firstly if you sense something try not to irritate the issue any further. If something has triggered the abuser, the abuser will then start to feed off your reaction leading to further verbal abuse or indeed physical abuse just like a dry sponge soaks up water. In fact often these types of people, once something has triggered them, tend to stick together, live within a close proximity from others of this sort, which can sadly result in 'Group Bullying or Tribal' bullying/manipulation/bribery/intimidation/hostility towards youngsters and adults.

Group or Tribal bullying adds another dimension on to individuals who they have decided to attack. Their behaviour can prevent the victims from going to Public events, Group events, Social gatherings, Sports centres and similar venues. This is a tricky situation but again, as long as you are amongst friends or another Group of individuals do not feel threatened by the negative group as once again evidence can be experienced and seen by others. Perhaps mention, on the quiet, to a couple of trusting members of your Group that you are anxious and they will give you the extra support you need. If you find yourself going in to a shop and they are there, don't worry, again you have the shop staff to back you up especially if you are on your own.

However, with this Group also comes another Group, the Group who do not have the confidence to stand against the negative Group or indeed the confidence to support the sufferer of abuse, yes, you've got it, the type that would rather keep the peace. In a way this second Group almost gives confidence to the first Group with the added thought that they are right, when in fact they are wrong and sadly giving the negative Group additional feeling of 'Power'. You often find these negative types of Groups commenting on Facebook, or on Facebook Grouped pages, but more often than not the Administrators of the Groups stop negative attitude and comments, at least until the next time. So all in all it doesn't take much to see what these negative Groups are made of. Especially the 'behind the screen bravado' type  of Group

So now to some suggestions of how to handle such situations.

  1. Stay calm 
  2. Do not bite to their bait 
  3. Where possible you will need evidence, so practice putting your phone or ipod on record without being seen by the abuser or ask a friend to quietly do this but do not tell or show the abuser that you are doing this at any stage. 
  4. Give the abuser and yourself some space, the more in the face you go to them the more they will react. 
  5. Walk with friends, genuine friends, like minded folk, caring individuals 
  6. Walk quietly in to the nearest shop or public place and ask to use their phone to call someone, or say, can I stay in here for a minute because I am a bit anxious. 
  7. Warn others of trigger points 
  8. Stay calm and do not return until the problem is resolved or unless you have sufficient back up to support you. 
  9. Do not hesitate to call the Police, especially if you have evidence or ask someone else to phone the police, but having evidence from a previous experience would be advantageous or at least the names of a couple of witnesses. 
But above all, no matter how much you might have been threatened, at some stage, it is much better to tell someone, whether it be a member of your family, a friend, your Doctor or indeed the Police. But for the Police, to have evidence would give a much quicker response. 

Also remember, you are not on your own, thousands of people are attacked in this way, and stopping one abuser could save hundreds of others from experiencing what you have experienced. We need to try and prevent abusers from doing this to others and often it is only with the help of adults as well as the Law that can reduce such dreadful and damaging crimes happening.

It would be wonderful if we could change the abusers or predators towards being protectors . . . so perhaps, just perhaps we should take a little time to understand why this type of an individual is so aggressive or sensitive. There are ways of doing this but they can be fairly complex.

In the meantime some of the following reasons could be why they react so; 

  1. A controlling up bringing
  2. Too free a rein when young, or a childhood without boundaries
  3. Rebelliousness due to a lack of understanding of their needs when they were younger
  4. Feeling of lack of self worth
  5. Bullied themselves in earlier life
  6. Abusive parent(s)
  7. Lack of parent guidance perhaps due to both working.
  8. Alcohol/drug usage within the family circle
  9. Their personal hang up from an experience in their past
  10. Their lack of respect for what is acceptable and what is not
  11. Their lack of respect for listening to reason
  12. Their lack of experience or understanding of problem solving strategies from an early age 
But the most important thing is clear – they have a massive lack of respect for humans and that all living creatures have a right to share this planet/playpark/activities or whatever the venue with all.

Often once the younger bullies are re-directed it's generally found they have massive hearts and just need a little extra understanding and careful support. 

When it comes to older teenagers or adults, then this type of an abuser is a bit more difficult to re-direct purely because they have got away with controlling their life, parents, families, wife, children and even their work colleagues and employees for so long resulting in little or no respect for anyone. Or perhaps they have held a controlling position within their workplace. But the one way they can be and should be brought in to check is proof, yes proof that they have said and done what you said they had said and done. Which is where recording on the q.t. comes in and the Law can take over. Even worse still however are those who are in Power or in the limelight – such positions can also breed a nasty variety. Often victims from this type of an abuser are too frightened to say or do anything, when in their heart of hearts they know they should but perhaps due to threats, or bribery they are encouraged to keep quiet, at least until someone else is strong enough to take their case forward.

What ever the case, no one has to put up with abuse, whether it be verbal, psychological or indeed physical. So, find a friend or member of the family or even your local MSP or Doctor, speak to them and help prevent others from experiencing what you have experienced.

So, the final message in this little post is, 

Stay strong, stay calm and keep track of all evidence and prevent others from going through the same. 

Intimidating behaviour (WHITE)
Potential signs that someone is  a Victim of negative behaviour/(ORANGE)
In brief - How to resolve the issues (GREEN AND YELLOW)

Perhaps a little message for all who feel intimidated or find themselves in a situation they can not get away from, rather than reacting go for the softly softly approach, perhaps these bullet points might help; 

The other form of Intimidation, Bullying and Manipulation also often goes on within families where one of the partners is suffering from issues such as Vascular Dementia/Alzheimer's but this we will go in to in another post. This can have horrific consequences on the sufferer and, sadly in many cases goes on unseen, or behind closed doors leaving the victim feeling ; inadequate, useless, frightened, isolated even more than normal, as if he/she is walking on egg shells with the feeling he/she needs to hide in his/her room, only appearing when shouted on or called for.

Friday, 6 March 2015

Please share this worldwide . . millions of people

Millions of people these days are suffering from health issues such as Vascular Dementia, Alzheimer's and other mental health issues. 

Some people find it difficult to communicate with these sufferers, but can you imagine what it must be like for the sufferer, especially if they understand every word you say but just can't get the correct words back out to reply.

Millions of people all over the world are stuck in hospitals for whatever reason, or taken in because of a fall or a stroke, their world around them suddenly changes from the one they have known for so long. The new surroundings, the new smells and sounds confuse them even more to the point that even the questions they used to be able to answer lie frozen. 

All this can cause further confusion, frustration, fear and anxiety, why not help some one you know.  Type something up like this example from Tom, or create a list and leave it on the  little table beside their chair. Transition periods of any sort can be bad enough but when confused, transitions periods seem as bad and as frightening as the worst thing you can ever imagine.

This is not an easy transition period for any one. . . and is one we all sadly, at some stage share . . many of you will know this feeling LINK

Please, share this photo . . more of the world need to know what it feels like . . on behalf of many, thank you so much. 

Here are some more useful links relating to our, often misunderstood elderly .

Understanding our Elderly

A few Poems

Help our Elders and Nursing Staff

Bridging the comfort gap

Spread the word

Encourage social eating habits


What we miss once our elders are gone

Be prepared this winter 

Suffocated, imprisoned . . .

About a third of Alzheimer's cases could be preventable

Giving our Elders their well deserved voice

We hope the above links will help to make many peoples last years, months and days as comfortable and non threatening to them as possible. Thank you for taking time to glance through them. 

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Are you Gluten intolerant . . .

Gluten has got an awful lot more to answer for than the NHS think.

Gluten can also have a similar negative side effects on animals

Although the NHS may have all the up to date equipment and procedures to test individuals for a gluten intolerance or allergy these tests do not seem to be hitting others chemical balances who have a sensitivity towards specific gluten based and gluten free foods.

From all the diet sheets to date that we have been asked to look in to, and create, for individuals with a wide variety of health issues which have resulted, by our methods, in them having an intolerance to Gluten, it is clear that the NHS is missing a large percentage of people and is leaving the same amount of people confused, paranoid and upset. Paranoid because, for some, the Doctors are saying, there is nothing the matter, when clearly there is. But thanks to our method and other alternative methods people are being given a chance to feel healthy again.

So why is it, with all this technology the NHS are missing the Gluten intolerance or sensitivity in so many people.

Has Modern technology become too complex?

Could it be that it would be too financially expensive for the production market to reduce the 'Gluten in foods' who knows, there could be many a reason or indeed it could just be that they are genuinely unable to trace such fine sensitivities which, can become progressively worse if taken over a long period of time.

This is an interesting article to read . . . .

This also applies to sugar intolerances. One of the things we all tend to forget about are the natural sugars in fruits and vegetables, each of which can have a negative effect on various parts of our bodies, i.e. skin, our nether regions as well as our energy levels and mental state. 

If you are struggling or indeed being told by your Doctors that they can't find what is wrong, or that you are fine! or are suggesting you take this liquid or that medication, why not give your body a natural chance to be better by eating specific foods for your specific chemical balance. For those who have asked for diet sheets, of which there have now been many,  rarely have we found two people to have  the same chemical balance, but the best thing of all is they, after  just a matter of days, and nine times out of ten,  feel better than they have for months and often years.  

Don't let your body or your pets body suffer any longer, we are here to help you to find the most natural way to a healthier life style and way of life before negative foods get a hold of your health. 

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