Often there can be discord or family fall outs, or jealousies or the feeling that some members of the family do more than others.
Often this is understood due to the mileage between them but what we sometimes forget is that the sufferer is silently missing these members greatly although just a small telephone conversation can fill this heart felt pain.
Often we have our own kids and end up running after them the majority of the time, when in fact just one weekend our of 5 or 6 we could have given up just to go and visit our own parents, remembering they are forever talking about us and indeed our children to who ever they come across on a daily basis, remembering that we are often their main interest now, and a daily topic of conversation for many, yet often weeks go by before a phone call or visit is made or your voice is heard.
On that note, and having felt the pain of many wonderful older individuals, please can you make a bit more contact with your Parents or Grandparents, even if it is through a friends Skype programme or some other form of modern technology. Above all don't necessarily believe all that you hear from one of your parents as they may well be in denial about the true health of the other, or perhaps next time you are visiting you could 'accidentally' bump in to a friendly neighbour - they are sure to know what is going on, and might, if asked kindly, even give you regular updates.
On the other hand, if for some reason, only one of your parents seem to be answering the phone, please, make a point of visiting, perhaps there might be some form of issue going on making the other feel unhappy or as if they are being controlled.
Even if your parents have split and re-married you still have a right to see your own parent, even although some 'inlaws can make this awkward'. Every so often try and make a point of seeing your parent at least once every few months on their own, just to make sure they are okay.
It is of course understood that some children just do not have contact with their parents at all - and for reasons they will only know, but for those who do still have contact perhaps this poem might help during troubled times.
Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any problems that you are finding difficult to resolve as there is always a key to unlock all problems and for the ease of ageing these keys are imperative for their health and general well-being. Thank you.
Some nights I stand at the oceans edge,
with memories of happy days,
skimming stones and fishing bays
with parents, siblings and friends around
Good days, bad days, fall out days and happy days,
even days when we would stumble and fall
but who was their? our parents with bandages and all.
Always food in the cupboards and on the table,
Clothes on our shoulders, shoes on our feet,
jackets to wear on those cold wintery days.
Lifts to school, or money for a bus,
or for the sports we wanted to play,
O weren't our parents so good to us.
They dedicated their lives to us
working hard to support our needs,
But often we forget they had their own history,
the inevitable pains, the hurt, the fear and their lives
to live as well as being parents to us.
When the seed of adulthood grows within us
we fly the nest to start our Mission,
Our new found independence often takes over,
parties, freedom and the big wide world
sometimes makes the distance between us so much greater.
Until a life experience makes us stumble or quiver
and once again our parents came to the rescue
to encourage us, love us, support us
perhaps to reprimand for one or all.
But to be sure they are/were always there for us
no matter the age, issue or fall
How lucky we are to have them there for us.
Time goes on, perhaps a decade or two,
With perhaps a job secured, a marriage and kids.
Our parents, by this time have regained a life,
and mostly support our choice in life including our strife.
There comes a time when troubled bridges mend
but this can take a few years or a decade or two.
Regrets can be huge but love always returns in the end.
But time doesn't stand still for no man or you.
Our, once tall parents, seem smaller, more aged and frail
and all of a sudden role reversal is in front of you.
Frustration, irritation, denial and more
can soon take over, with independence
and freedom and love being starved by all.
But if only understanding, acceptance and patience
was encouraged instead of frustration,
irritation, denial and more.
Our ageing relations held a place in Society for many a year,
and stood their ground for us when we were there
For some, ill health comes along bringing many a fall
leaving their memory scattered from here to there,
forgetting the plates go in the cupboards standing tall
or the pans go in the cupboard o, so small
causing,for sure, much frustration for one and all.
We must remember for those we hold so dear
patience, love and 50/50 understanding is the key
for all to follow, not anger, denial, dread or fear.
Always remember, yesterday was yesterday and we must let it go,
tomorrow is tomorrow and today is today,
so please, come what may, accept the happenings of this day.
Some children can not cope with the change
and choose to stay away,
but it doesn't necessarily mean their love has gone.
Some children are stronger, more able to cope,
perhaps thanks to their experiences of life to date.
For others they suffer from regrets and guilt
perhaps because their visits were all too late.
Many a sufferer understands, but it doesn't take away the pain,
that missing pain of the child who has gone astray,
the one who doesn't seem to visit again.
But guaranteed your voice will be heard again
restoring the spirit and releasing that pain.
For many, you know you do your best
for others who feel guilt and regret, let it be
you have your reasons, don't be ashamed,
maybe write a poem or letter and lay it all to rest.
Hold on to the memories, though perhaps troubled, happy or sad
but remember always you tried your best and that you are loved
as much as you were from the day you were born.
Please, don't live in yesteryears, take each day as it comes,
embrace each smile and tiny expression
and welcome tomorrow as a brand new day.
Share laughter and the things remembered
acknowledge, quietly, each tiny expression.
Above all please accept each stage of illness
try hard not to shout or get frustrated,
you're the lucky one who can remember,
you're the one who can bring sunshine to a broken mind or heart,
you're the one who can, gently, introduce others to share your role
guiding them to all dislikes and likes they know,
But be sure to choose the right person though,
or ask for a change if there's no connection
All this will alleviate pressure, which can, truly, be felt by all,
giving each a comforting break balancing out the
sorely tempted denial, anger, fear and frustration,
resulting in contentment for one and all for ever.