A son or daughter is born, grows in to a child, rapidly grows in to a young adult, then a teenager then an independent and potentially controlling child. For our older generations we need to find a happy medium here. Not one where the teenager has learnt from earlier years to be manipulative and controlling or leaving you as Parent (with a capital P) or Grandparent (with a capital G) feeling like this
Having seen this time and time again, we decided that a small article on this was relevant now, before we come across more older generations who end up frightened of their Grandchildren or indeed before a Parent ends up frightened of their Child as they rapidly grow in to a strong teenager.
For some who are older there was 'Respect your Elders' instilled in to each youngster as they grew up. Granted in those days perhaps this was a bit heavily used resulting in those children growing in to Adults being frightened to say their thoughts. But there is definitely a happy medium and it is this that should be encouraged now before more people are damaged either mentally or physically.
Often the same thing can happen to People with their 'Awe, such a cute puppy' which rapidly has the potential of growing in to an aggressive, 'controlling dog'. So, if we stay on Pups for a moment and ask ourselves why the Pup has grown in to this Monster all of a sudden what could the answers be? Perhaps if we put a few answers down you could add some others.
Could it be because:
- The pup was not been socialised at an early age?
- The Pup was allowed to have free reign of the house(including sofa's beds' chairs et al)
- The Pup was not taught acceptable behaviour in earlier years
- The Pup was not trained to give you eye to eye contact when it wanted something
- The Pup had no Boundary lines
- The Pup had been trained with the 'Bribery and Corruption' method
- The Pup was rewarded for coming back after doing something wrong - or not acceptable (this really comes under Bribery and Corruption) therefore teaching it that doing something wrong is acceptable
- Could the Pup have been put in another room when someone came in?
- Could the Pup have been told 'who is it' in a specific tone therefore putting the dog on guard?
- Could the Pup have been among other negative dogs or seen negative behaviour
- Could the Pup have gone through a negative experience with one specific breed of dog?
- Could the Pup have seen the owner being hurt by another dog or human?
- Could the Pup have had free access to the 'Dog food bag'?
So let's put this in to human terms ;
- The child has not been socialized at an early age?
- The Child was allowed to have free reign of the house not respecting others space or material items
- The Child was not taught acceptable behaviour in earlier years
- The Child was not trained to give you eye to eye contact when it wanted something
- The Child had no Boundary lines at an early age
- The Child had been trained with the 'Bribery and Corruption' method
- The Child was rewarded for coming back after doing something wrong - or not acceptable (this really comes under Bribery and Corruption) therefore teaching it that doing something wrong is acceptable, or if you go to the shops for me we will give you this, or if you are good at school today you can go to the Cinema, or because you were so good last week you can get an x-box game (at the price of 49.99 ! - just an example)
- Could the Child have been put in another room when someone came in?
- Could the Child have been told to go away when visitors came in which could potentially lead to jealousy and temper tantrums in the future as well as becoming possessive who you spoke to. Or if on the phone and the child forever disturbs you whilst you are talking to someone else (and not them)
- Could the Child have been involved with other potentially abusive children
- Could the Child have seen a Parent being hurt by another therefore making them feel protective of the person.
- Could the Child have had free access to the food cupboard without learning to ask or indeed to share!
- Could the child have been over protected when he/she was younger.
- Could there have been no one that the child respected when they were younger, perhaps due to ill health of a parent(s) or the parents type of work.
- Could it be because both Parents or the Single Parent was working and the child had been put in to some form of Child care programme or under a Nanny, therefore the True Parent was potentially not as respected as the Nanny or Child Minder
- Could it have been that the child's love had been bought by being given or bought gifts all the time.
- Could it be because all House Duties were carried out by the Parent(s) or, if you are lucky - Cleaners!
- Or it could be because as soon our children arrive at the grand old age of 13 and are able to be left on their own, the majority of Parents go back to work full-time leaving the teenager to study, respect time, respect house duties and carry them out, but, how can we expect them to be like this when, potentially the Parent has done everything for them up until this moment.
- Could it be that one of the Grandparents went through a difficult marriage themselves, or could it be that a Parent or Grandparent had a difficult time when they were children, or could it be that the main Parent/Grandparent had health issues while they were bringing up their child resulting in their parents or parent bringing them up in the main, or perhaps there was not, for whatever reason a positive example to follow on from - the reasons are endless but sadly does not take away from the fact that there could be a problem now with either a Child or Grandchild.
As we said the List is endless but the next most important thing we all need to know is how do we stop them from becoming controlling once they have become 'A controller' especially if the Parent or Grandparent is weak both mentally and physically? Because there is no way you could suddenly change if the child suddenly turns in to 6ft 2 with the muscles of a working Ox!
More coming soon ....... PART 2